Stormy Calmness

The struggle with academia continues with the epic final of this chapter: the exam!

So this is it: the games have all been played, the shows have all been watched and some people are tired of each other’s company. There is nothing left to do.

But study.

Physics is creeping up real fast, and I’m not yet as “into studying” as I would have liked to be. I fear a revisit from the relaxness that plagued me last time. The sun is out and summer is here: but guilt and an inherent instinct to study keep me inside. When everyone else is done, I still have one last thing to write. Then, when I am finished, I shall standing at the gaping mouth of a two month holiday. Time and energy will have to be managed wisely, as I foresee weeks that oscillate between hectic and mundane. I still don’t have a job for the summer, despite the fact that I want/need the money it will bring. As with everything else in life, I’m very fussy about the type of work I’ll do. A few good opportunities have come to me, but it’ll take some initiative that I’m not well known for. Guess that’ll be part of the experience.

The year has passed way too quickly. A cliché complaint, I know, but some things will always remain a universal truth. Anyway, I believe the transition went well. Even the most redundant routine can become a way of life. The trick is finding enjoyment in the situation you are. I guess I did – on a certain level at least. I’ll elaborate on this more another time.

I am up to my chin in necessary correspondent work. It my own fault, I know. Too lazy, too busy. Too friendly, too naïve. A few bad choices, a bitter taste. But it’ll all be fine if I can dedicate some time to it without having my conscious throbbing over something else. I don’t blame anybody but myself, but it’s time to get past that.

Thought for the day: half the reality lies in the illusion.

Several hundred pages of a book that tries to explain the natural universe awaits me: I best be off.

Translating Hi

I have become what I’ve dreaded becoming:

You see the person someplace, a definite stranger. Your eyes catch each other for just a split second. Despite the surrounding crowd, you are the one that is singled out. The person smiles.

Then nods.

You instinctively nod back.

Immediately your mind begins to race. Do I know this person from some place? Did we go to school together? Why can’t I place the face? Why greet me? Am I being stalked? Freak!

You walk away feeling confused and just slightly violated. You have no idea why a complete stranger would greet you without cause. No, I don’t look like any celebrity I know, so we can rule out that factor.

The problem is that most of us live in a pea pod: we know our family and friends and maybe the guy next to us. We are shielded from everything else. As we have to deal with more and more things on a day to day basis, don’t we become just a little bit more introverted? Balancing our thoughts, planning days, filling schedules and dealing with issues and morals makes everybody a tad more introspective. We get caught of guard much more easily by little [social] anomalies. Some of us, at least.

The really sad part is my dwindling faith in mankind. I don’t expect most people to have a wholesome personality (I might elaborate on this another time), as apposed to my previous, less cynical view. But that is how it is when naivety is dispelled. Still, that is no cause to be suspicious of a friendly, al be it random, greeting. Frankly, I’m more use to not be greeted back by old acquaintances. Still, I’ll have to try to be less suspicious of a nice gesture. I don’t know if its introversion, xenophobia or grumpiness, but the cause is less important than the eventual remedy. Don’t greet everybody you lay eyes on (there is something like being too giddy), but remain friendly.

On a completely different issue: its okay to forgive yourself. Happiness is a choice.

small things

It is true: the small victories are what keep us going. To win the war, we need to win the battles, no matter how absurd, time consuming or maybe even demeaning they are. Of course we can’t win them all and sometimes go into a dry spell. It is then when you regain your appreciation for the small things in life that sometimes actually go your way.

It is amazing how much comfort and self esteem somebody can gain form the littlest of victories. To others it may seem completely insignificant, but to others it can give just enough hope to go through another day, week, month or semester.

Still, as little as it is, it’s nice to rise above nearly one thousand of your contemporaries, even if it is just for a moment. If it makes you feel good about yourself and makes you dance on a Sunday afternoon, the gain is no longer insignificant.

As a bonus, today wasn’t a blue Monday! The first one in a long time. Today was more green; but in a good sort of way. Even if I lose the battle tomorrow, the week was still worth it.

1:12

Tired and alone; sweet release.