Melancholy Man
I was just walking down the street, feeling the warm sun baking me through the overcast sky and watching as the grey, blue and white clouds and mountains merge into one all along this valley town, when I was reminded of an old feeling I haven’t had in years. I got it around this time of year and it was the feeling that the end of the world is near. Strange, I know. But it wasn’t depressing or scary: when I got the feeling it fired me up to want to go out and do things while I still can. All the things I want to do...
Today classes ended at the university. My Computational Physics report (Deterministic Simulations of Planetary Motion) has been handed in (I only did half of what I was suppose to do, but I don’t care anymore), so now I am finally free to start thinking of the exams which are starting on Tuesday. My first subject is only next Saturday (I’m writing on a Saturday, can you believe it?), but I haven’t even considered the exam. Meanwhile everybody else around me has been scurrying around panicking about it for weeks. Let’s hope it isn’t too late for me.
On campus there was this weird mood. The people who attended classes today (I wasn’t one of them) were few; some had gone home and others were in their residencies. It was like a mutual sigh of relief: classes have ended. But the jubilation has been subdued by thoughts of the exam. By this time in 15 days’ time, I’ll be on holiday. If everything goes well, I’ll be half way in my undergraduate course. Can you believe it...
Should I be asked to describe myself in one word, I would strongly consider “melancholy”. I really hate it to restrict anything to a single idea, concept or word, but sometimes you have to. I consider melancholy, because I believe it is a feeling that can be very efficiently be impressed on somebody. Sure, there are others: love, lust etc, but there is something about a sombre story or tale with a twist in the tail that intrigues me; the bitter aftertaste. I can’t explain it. Now, before all those psychology majors start talking about depression, rest assured that I’m way ahead of you – it isn’t as one dimensional as that. I find comfort in this feeling, but not only in it. I feel at ease and at home in it, but also else where. Sometimes a sad song or the like can actually lift my spirits. Perhaps it has something to do with sharing feelings: when I am down, it’s reassuring to know that others are down, too. Then let us be down together! There is comfort in numbers. Also, in a song, a person hides nothing: a sad song is mostly a display of raw emotion; the singer’s façade has been striped to nothing. A sad song, I believe, confers more emotion than, say, a love song (the latter is, most of the time, much too commercial to mean anything). When I am not alone, I know that tomorrow will bring another day. Also, a feeling of melancholy can cause one to retreat to an isolated place, even if it is only mentally. As an introvert, that is something I can appreciate. But, like I said, I am not consumed by it. I’m am not goth or hostage to some weird sect; its not something I relish in and identify myself with. I experience the whole array of emotions like everyone else (not that I’m saying goths don’t – please, nobody bug me about the goth comment or take it personal). I just view “being down” a little different from everyone else. But please, I beg of you, never ask me to break myself down to a single word or phrase!
I thought about this when I was walking down the street just now. End of the world and all that. It’s not that the general mood on campus today was particularly heavy, but it was subdued, like I said. I think that may have something to do with it. But what I also took from it was that feeling of being free, released and invincible. Odd combination, but I like it that way. Today is a beautiful day: the symbiosis of nature and daily hustle and bustle plays well to create an invigorating atmosphere that is almost tangible. Best of all, I might be the only one to see it that way. :-)
Today classes ended at the university. My Computational Physics report (Deterministic Simulations of Planetary Motion) has been handed in (I only did half of what I was suppose to do, but I don’t care anymore), so now I am finally free to start thinking of the exams which are starting on Tuesday. My first subject is only next Saturday (I’m writing on a Saturday, can you believe it?), but I haven’t even considered the exam. Meanwhile everybody else around me has been scurrying around panicking about it for weeks. Let’s hope it isn’t too late for me.
On campus there was this weird mood. The people who attended classes today (I wasn’t one of them) were few; some had gone home and others were in their residencies. It was like a mutual sigh of relief: classes have ended. But the jubilation has been subdued by thoughts of the exam. By this time in 15 days’ time, I’ll be on holiday. If everything goes well, I’ll be half way in my undergraduate course. Can you believe it...
Should I be asked to describe myself in one word, I would strongly consider “melancholy”. I really hate it to restrict anything to a single idea, concept or word, but sometimes you have to. I consider melancholy, because I believe it is a feeling that can be very efficiently be impressed on somebody. Sure, there are others: love, lust etc, but there is something about a sombre story or tale with a twist in the tail that intrigues me; the bitter aftertaste. I can’t explain it. Now, before all those psychology majors start talking about depression, rest assured that I’m way ahead of you – it isn’t as one dimensional as that. I find comfort in this feeling, but not only in it. I feel at ease and at home in it, but also else where. Sometimes a sad song or the like can actually lift my spirits. Perhaps it has something to do with sharing feelings: when I am down, it’s reassuring to know that others are down, too. Then let us be down together! There is comfort in numbers. Also, in a song, a person hides nothing: a sad song is mostly a display of raw emotion; the singer’s façade has been striped to nothing. A sad song, I believe, confers more emotion than, say, a love song (the latter is, most of the time, much too commercial to mean anything). When I am not alone, I know that tomorrow will bring another day. Also, a feeling of melancholy can cause one to retreat to an isolated place, even if it is only mentally. As an introvert, that is something I can appreciate. But, like I said, I am not consumed by it. I’m am not goth or hostage to some weird sect; its not something I relish in and identify myself with. I experience the whole array of emotions like everyone else (not that I’m saying goths don’t – please, nobody bug me about the goth comment or take it personal). I just view “being down” a little different from everyone else. But please, I beg of you, never ask me to break myself down to a single word or phrase!
I thought about this when I was walking down the street just now. End of the world and all that. It’s not that the general mood on campus today was particularly heavy, but it was subdued, like I said. I think that may have something to do with it. But what I also took from it was that feeling of being free, released and invincible. Odd combination, but I like it that way. Today is a beautiful day: the symbiosis of nature and daily hustle and bustle plays well to create an invigorating atmosphere that is almost tangible. Best of all, I might be the only one to see it that way. :-)
posted by phantom-99w at 14:40
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