Stuck At Home

Since the start of the holiday I’ve been stuck at home for the greater part. For the last half week I’ve actually been less agitated about it, mostly because I’m ill. I must have eaten something that disagreed with me, because my stomach hurt badly for a while until the doctor put me on an antacid. It’s still a bit shaky though and I haven’t quite regained my apatite yet.

It’s weird, because in the last few months I’ve fought tooth and nail to ward off an illness and actually succeeded in starting to get ill, but then also not quite on two occasions. When I was at school I practically never admitted I was sick. I could’ve been quarantined with six IV’s and seven scheduled operations, I still would have said that I’m just tired and that I’ll be alright the next day. Some silly kind of bravado, as usually is the case. But since I’ve gotten to university I’ve realized how stupid that attitude is, mostly because I can no longer afford to be sick for two weeks while I “get over it myself”. So now I just surrender and hope it’s early enough for the meds to keep things from getting worse.

I’m not really a sickly type of person, but sustained stresses do take its toll on my body. I’m also not much of a germophobic, but I am more aware of potential “biohazards” than most people. Sometimes I’m just too lazy to be careful. It’s usually then that I get sick.

Wunderseun arrived last week and tomorrow Zaakman is gonna pitch. It’s going to be great to have the guys back together again, despite the fact that everyone has changed so much in such a short time. I’m leaving for Johannesburg on Saturday to go visit Nikki for a while. Looking forward to it, though I’m a bit uneasy with leaving the Cape to go to Jozi (especially in summer time, because they have their rainy season in summer, so potentially less sun on a whole for me this year; not that I’m getting much use out of it now anyway).

Ciao, cheers and goodnight.

Post Exam Post

So here I am, a week after my exams have ended and there has been no epic post, no song, no sorrow, no jubilation. I don't know, but the concept of "holiday" didn't wash over me like I had expected it would and like it did with some people I know. I think it has to do with the fact that I unofficially started my holiday in the last few days of the exam, because I didn't need to worry about my final paper.

Okay, so here's a quick summary: I wrote five papers (four distinct subjects) in three days in the span of one week. Maths I already spoke about, the first computer science paper was a total thumbs up, the second one was utterly horrible and applied maths paper was... enjoyable. I know for a fact already that I have passed half of my subjects. Concerning the other half: one I wrote well enough to be totally confident about, one had a little hiccup but I feel okay about it and I am totally shaken by that last computer science paper. It wouldn’t surprise me if I failed that exam. I would seem strangely fitting: the final kick in the groin that causes me to cough up blood as I lie naked and ashamed on the wet ground while the world passes me by, not stopping to look or to care. So, yeah. Luckily we get our official results yearly in December this year, so for once my agonizing ignorance won’t be prolonged for much longer.

But that’s not what I want to talk about. That was all a week ago and, yes, feels like a month ago. I don’t really know what I want to talk about. I’m not sure I want to talk about anything at the moment. Everything is stagnant and suspended at the moment. Friends are scattered or still busy with re-examinations and the world still continues to function. It’s like adjusting to a new environment, but doing so quickly, like realizing what’s going on as you’re sinking in a pool after being dropped in it by surprise. Wow, I really have this non-sense thing nailed down; I really shouldn’t be allowed to write when I’m tired. For the past few days I’ve been getting very tired very early and I don’t know why. My right lower arm is hurting like mad. It use to be only my hand, but now it’s the arm. It started a few months ago. If my suspicions are correct, then I have a chronic condition which is really going suck considering that I am going into the business of programming professionally. Ugh.

I don’t know when in the week Wunderseun is coming down or even if he is here already, but he better hurry up. I need extra reason and motivation to get out, because my car is being loaned to family and I’ve been home locked for the entire weekend. Getting slightly frustrated. Heh, and the holiday has only started... not that bad yet though.

My Exam Monster

I’ll never forget my high school maths teacher. In the beginning she was intimidating and sometimes just mean. Her goal was to drive as many students from her class as possible. She believed that only some elite must take maths on higher grade level. At one time it was like Survivor, watching a classmate every week do the walk of shame as he or she switched to standard grade. I didn’t belong in the higher grade class. She couldn’t drive me away. Needless to say I wasn’t her favourite person in the class, but after a year or two she livened up a bit as she realized that those of us that are left are the one’s that are going to stick it through. She was alright in the end, I liked her enough. But she had a few quirks, as you can expect from an old maid that has made maths her life and reads Harry Potter books. There were nice and created some memories. Like the time she stopped in the middle of what she was saying, stared out the window and exclaimed “What’s that?”. We all turned, but saw nothing. Then she said she had seen the exam monster and that we must have missed it. The class went “Oh-kay...”, I groaned. She then proceeded to tell us about the exam monster, how we must care and nurture it with hard work and dedication. She then proceeded to hand out tiny chocolate eggs which were intended to start our own exam monsters growing inside of us. It became a regular joke.

I was very antagonized towards mathematics during my late primary and early high school years. I really didn’t like it and looked forward to dropping the subject as soon as I was out of school. Slowly I realized that I would need to take maths at university level. This was a daughting thought, but slowly I changed my attitude towards the subject. When I started varsity, I liked it. The past two years I had a lot of mixed feelings about mathematics, but in the end all turned out well. I get a kick out of the fact that I’m only one of three people from my high school teacher’s class that took maths as far as second year level.

I’m going to be very optimistic and say it’s all over now. Today I wrote my final two mathematics papers. The Analysis (this morning) went very well, the Algebra (this evening), didn’t go quite so well, but I’m not going to worry about it. These two papers have brought to an end a 14 years love affair with numbers and symbols. The 14 counts everything, even learning basic arithmetic in grade one. Everything, from my first little “count chart” to the last summary of theorems I made the day before yesterday. When I removed my markers from and closed my Calculus (Steward) Fifth Edition for the last time in a very long time, it felt weird. But it’s over now and I think it for the best. Things were getting a little abstract in certain areas. I don’t go flying off the walls when I read about bases in n-dimensional space and underlying suggestion that most of everything is the same somehow. Call me a dirty name, but I prefer applying maths nowadays more (another shock). I have to admit that a lot of what I learned this year was really interesting and cleared up many things, but this very last paper was a sneak preview of how things will change if you continue with mathematics, and it’s not the same as I have always known.

Mathematics is one of the highest tiers of human understanding, reasoning, logic and insight. I’ve had a small glance into the deeper world that is hidden from the rest of the world and it leaves mixed feelings. It is awesome and spectacular, but also... I don’t know, but there definitely belongs a “but” there...

I’ll still be taking applied maths next year. To the casual outsider it might not seem much different, but applied maths is more grunt work while pure maths is considered by some to have more grace and elegance. I really enjoyed applied maths this year though. So I’m not leaving numbers behind as a whole (not possible anyway).

The little bugger has grown quite a bit. I’ll have to put it to use elsewhere now though. At least I know where it came from.

To all my teachers that have had a positive influence on me regarding mathematics, thank you. And goodnight.