Not everyday is a public holiday

And so another month comes to an end! This was a busy month for me... tests, projects... I'm suppose to be working on the second part of the operating system project, but for a week now I haven't been able to bring myself to work too much. The procrastination started after the last test. I didn't write too hot, but apparently I didn't do too badly, so I'm not going to complain. Just a few more weeks to push hard...

Friday I was at a friend's 21st and I must say that that might've been the best so far. The atmosphere was just so friendly: it was mostly friends from school and it felt good having all these familiar people there. Yeah, I can't let go. Of course I'm playing down on my own party and a few others from this year, but this one had a touch of zing that the others didn't.

Saturday I took the day off and headed back to Bellville. My parents are away attending the centenary celebrations of the town where I grew up - I would've liked to attend, but, alas, I couldn't/didn't. Anyway, so the idea was to spend the most of the day shopping for presents for people and the rest getting together with a friend or two. I went to Tygervalley mall and was walking around after locating the first potential present when I walked into straight into a wall. I was walking toward a bookstore when, clear as day, I recognized a friend from school, whom I hadn't seen in more than two years, walking outside the shop with her brother. After school she left to go work in Britain. We stayed in touch via e-mail for about a year and a half after which contact just... dissolved. Now she was back, permanently, studying, I didn't know and I was talking to her. Forgive my over-dramatisation, but that moment in time felt surreal. We exchanged a view brief pleasantries and a promise of going for a coffee. In a couple of weeks I'll e-mail her, and then we'll see... I would've probably held it against her for not letting me know what's been going on this past six months and that she's back, but after continuing to drift through a cloud of surrealility for the rest of the day (and going to talk to someone - no-one that was suppose to contact me did so) I realised how completely selfish I was for a long time. I gained a few more insights and eventually decided it's not worth hold any grudges and that she doesn't deserve it. Like I said, we'll see what happens in a couple of weeks and what happens happens... It was strange that, after that encounter, I saw/ran into a lot of people I know or knew (of) at one point. Tygervalley is a strange beast indeed...

Earlier I saw a double rainbow... weather is getting to be pretty. Try finding something you like in each season instead of stubbornly clinging to a favourite season.

If finally moved the site to the new server... I think I'm not going to care too much about what domain name it is under. Sorry to all the loyal fans that won't be able to find this site again... :-P Currently it's very patch-worky, I know, but I'm working on a "new" photo gallery and after that is up... some new graphics? I'm also thinking of making a slight move into abstraction (without redoing the entire layout), but I'm not too sure how that'll work. Meh, we'll see, in time...

Deep breath; the second shift starts.

Yellow Tuna Trees

When I consider the short duration of my life, swallowed up in the eternity before and after, the little space I fill, and even can see, engulfed in the infinite immensity of space of which I am ignorant, and which knows me not, I am frightened, and am astonished at being here rather than there, why now rather than then.

-Tom Waits

The Price Of Not Praying For Someone

March came and went and so did the first quarter of varsity. It was but a few days ago that I commented to someone that I don't feel the time racing by so quickly. Time seemed to progress at a reasonable pace and I was happy about it. At round about the last week, I guess, that changed. Now, as I am sitting here on a week-long holiday, time seems to be accelarating at a blinding pace. Scratch that, it's like time travel. Maybe it's just tonight, but suddenly I have this feeling of things starting to pile up.

Today I went to see if I can find out how things are with an old friend. This is a guy I've known for more than 10 years and someone I regard as a sort of mentor, even though I have been a very difficult and stubborn student. So, I went to his flat, because his cellphone is off and the landline seems to be dead. When I arrive at the door, I immediately knew something was wrong, even before I came to the door and could see the renevations going on inside. After a quick chat with the foreman, I knew that my friend had dissapeared several months ago (although I'm reasonably sure he was still around two months ago), but that the foreman had no idea who my friend was or what happened to him. I raced home and called someone I believed would know where my friend is, and he told me that my friend had moved back to Namibia.

Needless to say, this came as quite a shock, but I wasn't too surprised. I knew my friend was going through a very rough spot and was very worried about him for a while. I remember he sent me an e-mail informing me of his new e-mail address, so I guess it's my fault for being out of the loop. Being busy is an awefully lame excuse. Anyway, so I'm sitting here typing this blog entry instead on an e-mail to him, but that's who I am, I guess: always introspective first.

Of course I am sad that my friend has left and I'll admit I feel a tiny bit lost. This was a person I could confide anything, bar none, in. He was always willing to help and to listen and even though I was selfish in the way I kept contact, I feel I have been severed from a lifeline. Apparently he's coming back to Cape Town in May, but probably only to tie up loose ends and to see some people. But now, in my perpetual egotistical en narcissitic manner, I have to ask: could I have done something or help in some way? After all, I knew (partly, at least) what was going on and could guess his level of frustration and dismay with people around him. Could I have done something, if not to keep him here, but to relieve a bit what was going on with him? Listen to me, ranting on again. I'm not even sure under which circumstances he left, but the manner he left tells me I'm on the ball this time. Anyway, I feel a tiny bit of guilt. Knowing he was in anguish, he was not as often in my prayers as he should have been. I believe in praying for friends and family. Not only for those that are in need, but also for those for whom things are going well. For me, it keeps a net of safety, from my side, around them. Whether they want it or not or care about it or not, it's there. Being in this extended drought that I am in, I negelect some of these duties far too often that I would like. There are no excuses. I once heard of a woman that prayed for all the members of her family by the name every single day. She had quite a large family, so that showed a large degree of commitment. More than anything, though, love. It's a practise that is neither the alpha nor the omega, but somewhere inbetween that is just as significant.

Can a group's prayers save a person's life? Yes, I have witnessed it myself. Can a single person's prayer safe another's life? That I have yet to see. But that's just me. Does praying for people on a day-to-day basis make a difference? I believe so. It's not the words, however that are important; rather it's a wholly commited communication of what is felt in the heart, believed in the soul and commited in the mind. It's not suppose to be a simple day task or chore: it is a gift and awesome experience (through pain, joy and frustration), because in it's outerly simplicity lies hidden the most awesome human right there exsists.

It's not just this person, but I feel people drifting away from me at an ever increasing speed.

I wanted to get a revamped site up by the end of the holiday. Now I'll be lucky if I even get as far as switching servers. Don't loose heart, though: watch this space.