Happy Holidays

My mood has been slowly declining over the past week or so. My listlessness is getting me down. Being on holiday and wanting to do something but not doing it is like spending your life afraid of death or the end of the world: when it come, you've spent all your time cowering, even though you couldn't prevent the end by doing it, and little or no time enjoying your life.

Its been rather quiet for a while now. I've been working on rebuilding the website. A few days ago I got a couple of ideas and renewed interest in working on it. It being a hobby, I guess I can't really say I have done nothing. It's nice to see things come together, especially on with a website, because it requires much less underlying coding before you start to see results. I still have a bit left to do before I would want to put up the new stuff. Maybe by the end of the holiday. It just amazes me at how its the absolute tinyest things that takes the most time to get to work. But, I believe that is not uncommon...

I only work on the website for a couple of hours a day, though. The rest is spent, wasted, on loafing. It is what I wanted, but it gets to you after a while. Heh, I didn't look for work, I could've volunteered at a soup kitchen or something but I didn't... a fine example of a human being.

I'm sorry, I guess I just have a little bit of the blues. It's from a few different sources, but the mental wallowing caused by the isolation enhances it all.

But I'm not the only one. Over the past few months and weeks I have seen some of my friends transform and bare a side everyone mostly keeps to themselves. Not people to worry about relationships and such “in the open”, lately everyone seems to be in the grips of infatuation. And love, as some claim. Everything from recent attractions to old crushes are now drifting up to the surface. Strong people have suddenly become vulnerable and nervous about the smallest details. I can't help but smile in comprehension, because I've also layed awake at night worrying about the most inconsequential things imaginable.

But, in the early twenties, the feel about all this is different than it was during the school years. While nobody I know is planning anything major, the future is in the back of the mind many times. That, and the awareness of the first peers have already fallen to engagements, marriage and children. We are still young and we don't want to think about whether someone is “the one”, but you can't help it and, at some point, you have to consider it. After a sufficient time to have fun, some might say. But then there are those of us who always jump the gun.

So it's relationship worries abound, but my concerns are beyond the scope of everyone else's. I wish everyone good luck with their endeavours. Don't over-think it, go with the flow and be patient, but don't be passive. May everyone get their piece of happiness. May I get my answers.

After the weekend a few friends are leaving for a road trip to Johannesburg. I only found out about this yesterday, but it doesn't matter as it doesn't concern me. But it is going to mean that the loneliness is going to fester further as my communication void will be complete. More silence. It forces you to think. But you don't want to think. But you have to. I must concerntrate.

On a completely different note: I've decided I'm going to take Fluid Dynamics next semester in stead of Computational Physics 3. I believe the latter will be much, much easier than the former, although it will also require a lot of work. But, with Fluid Dynamics I shall have an additional “major”. It also appears to me that many applications of mathematics draws on Fluid Dynamics. Its going to be hard and at times I'm going to regret the decision, but at the end it will be worth it.