There are too many South Africans in London

I don't really think that I am overly a fan of pop music, especially with the type of music that is “pop” these days. Listening to my favourite radio station, however, makes contact with this type of music avoidable. But one catchy tune did grab my attention: Lily Allen's LDN. The song's lyrics seems very appropriate to my own city, province and country. Then again, where isn't it applicable? We call cling to the dream that the grass is indeed greener on the other side. We need to believe that, somewhere that is reachable, exists a true utopia: a land of milk and honey. But every nation and city has its own problems, al be it crime, corruption, pollution etc. etc. “Sun is in the sky, oh why, would I want to be anywhere else?”

I'm now back from my grandmother's. To be honest, she didn't seem much worse than the last time I saw her, which was a year ago. But it is very clear that being alone or tired affects her a lot. The other thing, that probably isn't new, but that I've only realised now, is that she's also lost some restrain: she'll say things to people she wouldn't have a few years ago. It's bad, and there is no-one can do but be supportive. I also went to see my grandfather again. That was nice.

Michelle is here now, but her parents came along and they are staying with her aunt for now (her uncle passed away earlier this year). She'll be coming over to stay with me on Sunday (when her parents have returned home). I still don't have any New Year's plans yet, but we'll figure that out later. Its good to see her again... its hard to believe, so much time in between everything...

Michelle got me Medieval II: Total War! Isn't she the best?? Thanks babe ;-)

Work on my website has stalled as I am having some “Linux distro” problems, but I'll continue later. I've abandoned the idea of a “big bang” layout now and will try to get it up sometime in January and then just keep on tinkering and improving on it after it is “live”. Its almost ready yet, but there are still a few annoying things I have to sort out.

So, I guess that is it then for 2006... thanks to my audience, known and unknown. Watch this space... I think 2007 is going to be quite a year!

“And you ask me what I want this year and I try to make this kind and clear: just a chance that we will find better days. 'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in string or designer love and empty things: just a chance to find better days.”

- Goo Goo Dolls (Better Days)

Gran's Gone

My grandfather died in 2002. Several years before that he had a heart attack, which was the first major red alert concerning his health. My grandmother immediately dropped everything and my grandfather became her top priority. Up to his death, that is what she did. Its not like my grandfather was an invalid – on the contrary, he was still reasonably active, but near the end I retrospectively realise that he became tired with the increasing health problems. One morning my grandmother woke up and my grandfather was simply gone.

Everyone knows loss, therefore it is simply suffice to say that my grandmother was very distraught; they were by each other's side for roughly sixty years. Afterwards she was the little old widow living alone in the house (luckily the live in the same town where my uncle is the doctor) and we wondered what would happen and how she would cope. She drastically lost weight for a time and nearly cleared out the house from anything that she doesn't use on a daily basis. Again retrospectively, the first sign of trouble, I think, was her hearing that started to go. Well, we thought it was her hearing: she would take part in a conversation, but if she turned her back to you or looked away, she sometimes did not hear you talking at all. Over the past two years, however, her conditioned developed: forgetfulness, short term memory loss, confusion and paranoia. My mom and the other children believe it is dementia. I – I don't know. They never took her to an expert, probably because of her paranoia. She is afraid she will be taken away from her home (in more lucid years she said she will also die in the same home my grandfather had died in). The children wanted to put her in a nursing home, but she refused as long as she could. Eventually the realised that they would have to take the decision for her. Unfortunately, the waiting list for a good nursing home can be up to 10 years. In the mean time, however, they got somebody to take care of her. The caretaker is a friend of my grandmother, so everything can be done under the perpetual ruse that she is visiting my grandmother (or that my grandmother is visiting her). For a while I knew she recognised a person if she spoke to or saw them, but could not recall a person from memory. Recently, however, while staying with my aunt, there were times that she did not recognise my aunt, so her condition has deteriorated even further. She can also no longer take care of herself.

The thing that helps her the most at this stage, we believe, is for her to not be alone. This has, and continues to be, a cause of strive in the family. There are several different situations and reasons (four children and four spouses), but in the end it all has place a considerable stain on the family (as I have never experienced before). It has been decided that, as far as possible and necessary, the children are going to take take turns taking care of my grandmother. Today my parents left so my mom could go fore fill her obligation. We shall also be spending Christmas there (I'll go Friday). I haven't been to Velddrif in exactly a year; I've bailed out every time my folks went there. This might be the first year where I have seen the De Wets more than the Vermeulens. But I do feel guilty about it – I feel like I am skipping out on my obligation to the family. It is just going to be so hard to return there and see my grandmother again. Is that person still my grandmother – the same one I grew up loving so fondly? Why did I have to turn into such a bastard at the end of my grandparents' lives?

Sometimes I wonder whether our (especially the children, because I'm too busy washing my hands the whole time) attitude in the West is really the right one. I am the last one to envy the Japanese or Koreans over anything in general, but I do admire the deep respect they have for their elderly. In the West, when you grow old you probably grow into a nuisance, but there you are revered. How would things have been different?

Like I said, on Friday I have to go face the music from whence I have been running away from so long. If you want to rebuild yourself, sometimes you have to start with the unpleasant things first. The person that I am the saddest for, however, is my mother. She has already had to bare much more in her life than she should have. I am proud of her, but, unfortunately, I believe there is much more to come still.

God does not give someone a burden which he or she can not carry.

My Suffix (a.k.a. Vici)

I'm back from dinner with my folks after the graduation ceremony. The biggest issue concerning the ceremony was how long it was going to be. Guesses varied from two to four hours. Luckily it was only an hour and a half and I am happy to report that everything went very well! It was good seeing my classmates at the grand finale. Of course, not everyone was there, but it was still a nice last get together all the same: there will be no reunions, names and faces will fade and people will fall silent. But so is life.

The ceremony wasn't all that sacred in the end, dispite all the attempts at formality. I guess it would've helped if I didn't do sudoku's and chatted with the friend next to me, but it was nice anyway. Bleh, I've been on the go since 10:30 (which is early for me at this stage), so I'm kind of beat at the moment. If there is any ranting to do on this subject, I shall do so at a later stage. Good night everyone and thank you to whom it is due.

My Big Day

Today is the day of my graduation. Its finally here. After three years of toil, it is finally here. Its amazing to think how quickly the time has flow and the sheer volume of emotions I've gone through in, what seems now to be, a very short time. It seems like not along ago that I looked ahead in the yearbook at the third year subjects in awe and reverence. Now they are merely striked-out names; spent means to an end.

On Saturday they published the names of the people who would be graduating in the newspaper. There were names there that I didn't expect to be there and there were names that should have been there, but weren't. I think that is when it became real for me: what I had achieved and how lucky and blessed I am to be where I am. It is an honour and a privilege. It is still joke to consider us skilled in our respective fields (that is what yet further education and work experience is for), but in the end we are a little smarter, a little brighter and, hopefully, a little wiser than when we were when we started out.

But, today is not only my graduation, but also the one year anniversary of Michelle and I going out! Thank you so much for everything babes! I miss you and I'll see you soon. ;-)

I best get to bed; tomorrow is going to be a long, busy day.

A Different Kind of Day

Today started out like any other this weekend and it had a lot of promise as being as listless and unproductive as the rest. But then I got a call from a friend: I was commissioned to help him in asking about a mutual girl friend out. I was eager to help, because it would bring action to years' of pining (although I only found out about it this year). The plan was slightly elaborate, in my opinion, but as we know now: girls like it. The plan was for a bunch of friends, including myself, to wait at robots on the route home. As my friend drove passed and stopped (regardless of lights and traffic), we were to each give her two roses and a card. The role was simple enough and had a desirable effect, although the eventual answer was not a yes. It wasn't a no either: she doesn't feel up to a relationship at the moment, so now we are all on hope-for-the-best duty.

I tried documenting the events on my camera, but certain people were a little on edge. ;-) Still, it was a good show of camaraderie and it is good to know that my friends will be there for me as we were for our friend today.