My Big Change

Well, it’s been a week now since that Big Change: my 21st birthday. Every year I wake up on my birthday, without necessarily having big, or any, plans for the day, and there is this tiny feeling inside of me that something is different. Something is special. It’s my birthday, and no-one can take that away or demean that. This year, however, I woke up without that special feeling. I didn’t feel bad or depressed or anything; it just wasn’t there. There are a number of reasons why that day perhaps felt ordinary, like some stupid silent protest against the big deal everyone makes about turning 21. On the other hand, perhaps the feeling is just gone: a friend mentioned he hasn’t that feeling for a few years now.

There’s this big deal about being 21 that is, for the most part, only tradition. What can I really do that I couldn’t before? Some bank stuff without a legal guardian. Things that are probably important, but not to me at the moment. Okay, sure, I’ve already used my new “super powers” after my birthday, but the only difference between doing it now and a week ago was not having to fax a copy my mom’s ID somewhere. W00t!

My birthday was quiet: Nikki and I stayed in the day and just relaxed after running around for most of the week. The day was uneventful, safe for going out to dinner with my parents and Nikki the evening and running into two friends at the restaurant. That was my special day and, as uneventful as it was, I really enjoyed it.

The big event, of course, happened on Saturday. It was a bit more of a mission than I anticipated, but eventually I managed to gather some 20 odd friends at The Blue Peter hotel in Bloubergstrand for a breakfast brunch. Lasting from 8:00 till after 10:00, and it being a buffet, everyone had enough time to eat, chat and get to know new people. It seems like everyone really enjoyed it and that was a great gift: to have a bunch of friends together all having fun. After that some of us continued on to Big Bay where we spent the biggest part of the afternoon. We played beach cricket and laid around a bit. It was more fun, but after everyone departed, people began to realize what a serious mistake it was to neglect the sunscreen. I forgot to put some on my feet myself and the consequence was excruciating pain for the first couple of days and then swollen and sensitive feet for the next couple of days. The chafing caused by socks and shoes still gets to me, especially on the left foot. Meh, we all survived at least.

The highlight for a little more than a week was, of course, having Nikki here for my birthday. She arrived the previous Saturday and for the first half of the week I took her all over the Cape to explore places I haven’t even ever been to or haven’t been to for a while. Sunday we went to Cape Point and up Table Mountain, catch only the final minutes of a totally brilliant sunset. Monday we went to (and mostly got lost in) Cape Town’s central district (which I really didn’t know before, but now have a vague clue about). I also got to meet her aunt and uncle that lives here (she spent the night with them) – really cool people! On Tuesday we were mostly at the Waterfront (I got started too late in the day to do much more than that). Wednesday we stayed in and vegged, except for going to see Wallace and Gromit and the Curse of the Wererabbit. Thursday was, of course, my birthday, and Friday I took her to Stellenbosch to show her around a bit. Saturday was the party and drinks with some friends in the evening. On Sunday we bid a literally and figuratively painful farewell to each other as she boarded a plane to head home to Jozie. I don’t know when we’ll see each other again; it might be as long a year. Nikki, I know I loaded up the schedule a bit tight and that we didn’t have that much alone time at home, but I really enjoyed having you here and I hope we get to see each other again soon. Thanks for coming! *mwa*

To all my friends that made sacrifices to attend my birthday brunch and to all those that were willing to make sacrifices to come, but simply couldn’t, thank you all! I appreciate everything and wish you well for the rest of the year!

Seven Red Crosses on a Calendar

Well, the first week of 2006 has almost come to an end and boy, what a week it was! Traditionally the first week of a new year is slow. Very slow. Everything has come to a halt while everyone is away enjoying the aftermath of the festive season. Only a skeleton crew remains at the diehard businesses that capitalize on this scarcity at the expensive of some unlucky suckers’ holiday. Usually this isn’t a problem for those on holiday, but when you actually need to do things in this unperturbed week, then you quickly start to miss the availability of services and people that you normally take for granted.

I visited two different police stations on three occasions. It came down to it that I had to report the theft of my cellphone at the police station which is nearest to where the crime took place. So I had to get in the car and (with the help of Sparrows) find the police station in the centre of Cape Town. After many hours of trail, my black-listed SIM-card was reported stolen (this is purely a legal formality – I’ll never see my cellphone or old SIM card again, even if the police accidentally tripped and fell into a black market cellphone dealership; besides, the phone wasn’t insured and I didn’t know my phone’s serial number, like everyone else does). Now began the arduous task of getting a SIM swap which would allow me to keep my old number. At first the local network service shop screwed the swap up, but they got it right the second time. Currently I’m borrowing my dad’s phone (formally mine) until other plans can be made (he’s using the old back-up phone). When the new SIM card registered for the first time, I was greeted by the old familiar sight of a Snoopy and Woodstock mobile logo that is still (apparently) stored on my SIM card... it was a dualistic feeling of reminiscence and regression...

I also began to re-assemble my phonebook: a slow task that’ll take weeks because some people are currently, well, unreachable, as far as my capacity goes. I’ve made some good progress, but I find myself in a position where I need to contact a broad variety of people anyway, so the searches continue...

My mom has been having a particularly difficult time the past two weeks. While we were all staying at my gran’s, she was the one that took care of her, which is becoming an increasingly difficult job. Her hearing is failing, she’s becoming increasingly forgetful and confused and is stubborn and unreasonable whenever my mom and her siblings try to convince her to go to a doctor or move to a retirement village. She now often cries and believes there is some conspiracy to remove her from her house and her loved ones. I don’t know how my mom keeps it up, but it must be utterly devastating to see your mother break down in such at way. At home my mother is also struggling to survive the end-of-holiday blues as the expenses have been more than she would have liked. She is very strong (stronger than she should ever have needed to be), but she is going to need a break in one way or another very soon.

Things are a bit hectic at home at the moment. The new boarders are all moving in, so stuff has been moved around in connection with that. Preparations are also being made for my move into the new flat at Stellenbosch, so things are being moved around in connection with that. Also, I’ve started this massive cleaning endeavour which requires things to be moved around. In short: my room looks like a battlefield and the living room… well, the living room is better, probably only a frontline infirmary. But I still cringe at the thought of the state everything is in and even more so when I think of what needs to be done. Those that know me will be wondering about this cleaning-up business: it just ain’t me! Well, yesterday I received the news that Nikki is, against all hopes and expectations, coming down to see me before the end of the holiday! Yay! She really wanted to be here for my birthday and now it looks like she’ll be getting her wish. Of course I’m ecstatic to know she’s coming, but it is going to be a miracle to match the hospitality I was shown while visiting her, so now I’m trying to get the house in order with a vigour that has never been seen before. Mm, at least I’ll be able to relax when she’s finally here. Can’t wait! :-) She’s flying down next week, so better get cracking...

My mom and I went to look at the new flat today (my cousin was there to move in some stuff and to attend a wedding in the area tonight) to figure out which furniture I need to take with me. The flat is... different than what I expected. But one shouldn’t have any expectations in the first place. With a little elbow grease the place can be very nice, but because it is only ever rented out, who bothers with that? The big thing about the flat is that it just needs a good cleaning at the moment. We’ll see what we can do about that before I move in. I’m not ungrateful or have regrets about the flat; I think it’ll be an interesting challenge to make it cosy and “home” with what we have to work with. I’m thinking of moving in at the start of February, but my cousin will be moving in in about a week or two.

Back Again in 2006

“A long December, and there’s reason to believe: maybe this year’ll be better than the last.”

This year I'm listing to a different version of the song. I always listen to the "Recovering the Satellites" version, but last year I had the brilliance to give the "Live Across a Wire" album a try - and I was blown away. I wouldn't say it completely reminds me of being at the concert, but it still leaves me with an energy - a revitalizing zap of melancholy, the same effect that caught me all those years back.

I just got back from bringing in the New Year with some friends and acquaintances. We went to Long Street in Cape Town, a street well known for its bars, clubs and other places of social gathering. It was the first time I was there and it was nice - up until my cellphone was stole shortly before midnight. It was lifted from my shoulder bag on my way out. Luckily they didn't get my wallet or anything else. I don't mind losing the cellphone, but I'm furious for losing my SIM card, my whole address book and a ton of SMS's from Nikki...

Just last night I was talking with a friend on IM. She revealed that she doesn't like birthdays. Well, not her own, at least, and the reason is she basically gets scared of how quickly time went by. She also takes stock of the year and finds regrets of things missed out on. I opt to look at the good things when it's my birthday, but now, tonight, is when I face the music. It's my personal sojourn through 365.25 days of experiences, emotions, faces and places. Tonight is the time that I get frightened. And excited. And go emotionally hay-wire. Why? Because we're passing through an absolutely random point in the earth's orbit on our free trip around the sun.

This year was my second one at the University of Stellenbosch. As my regular readers will know, I've bitched and moaned a lot about stress and work and stuff, so all I'm going to say is this: I stressed and bitched and moaned a hell of a lot about work and stuff. I had prepared myself that the second year would be the hardest pre-grad year, but it might not be so. We'll see. Not much to say about the academics: no shining spot, slipping comfortably into the middle and had a few very close calls. But I'm through it and when a first year looks at me and makes the "third year" connotation, they will stand in awe because they think I know a lot. I don't know a lot, I've just been through more than they have. Eh.

I crawled a bit out of my shell this year. Not much, but enough to meet some very nice people, realize some are nicer than I initially made them out to be and snag a few friends. It was partly due to my brief stay on Stellenbosch mid-year. I was hardly a social butterfly, even then, but I think the euphoria of being "out on my own" shined through a bit to other areas of my life. I'll be living on Stellenbosch again this year, but more about that some other time. Another factor was an elaborate scheme to get closer to a girl I fancied. Didn't get the girl, but I don't regret the friendships I picked up along the way.

Heh, the best laid plans, right? I've said it once and I'll say (and think) it again a thousand times over: I over think everything. I got a girl. A great, awesome person, a chance meeting in an old gaol in a strange town. Thank you, Nikki, for everything; the time and patience and affection! When I see you again, I don't want to let go of your hand again...

I changed a lot last year. I regressed some more, I progressed some more. And intricate rational ride of emotions and experiences. Where I go and end up next, I don't know. I should, because one shouldn't sit passively on the side and just go with the current, but on the other hand, even the best plans and preparations are naught when a strong enough wave comes in.

Resolutions? None, same as last year. Plans for 2006: don't know. Friends, family, more "getting out and doing stuff". Priorities have to change and I've fallen out of the rat race, so why keep on running? Well, I'll keep at a jog (something I literally failed with last year and should up again this year).

And so comes to an end my message for 2006. My new year's wish for you is that, if you find yourself realizing that time if flying by and you're in a bar or club watching the clock tick down to 2007, that the time would have passed with good memories and experiences.