Depro

I have a strong suspicion that I am suffering from mild depression. Depression is a strong word and should not be thrown around lightly (as is common practise), but my mood and demeanour seems to indicate that something is wrong. The why and how is easy: I've been under near constant stress since university started, I'm dealing with the aftermath of a breakup and there are also some other stuff going on at home. I feel trapped by work and become lonely very easily. I have also found that I tend to be resentful towards people who are having a good time or, indeed, have the luxury of time to relax and enjoy themselves. Most of my relaxation these days are passive: simply not doing work (as opposed to actively doing something to relax).

Despite this I do recognise that I have, in many ways, been fortunate thus far: every time things have been really bleak, I've been able to pull through one way or the other. Five weeks in and I am still taking four subjects (although I was very close to dropping one on Friday – in fact, as I walked into the lecturer's office to “quit”, she said she was typing up an e-mail to give us all extension for the assignment). I'm not suffering a full blown depression: I still open the curtains in the morning (unless a very hot day has been forecast) and getting up in the morning isn't more of a mission than it usually is. Its just living under all these irks that is slowly getting to me. My attitude is also more apprehensive and aggressive (towards the sources of my woes) than, for example, pessimistic and suicidal (I'm not that far gone yet by a long shot).