The Problem with Watching too much Dr. Phil
This week I suffered (am suffering?) an emotional breakdown1. I am not going to go into the details of the causes and the effects thereof. This is the second one this year. I had one near the end of the second year at university and I recall that I had one during high school (in 2000, I think). It is therefore not something that I am use to or which I might consider “normal”. The thing is that this year has been pretty rough. The interesting thing is that it is rough for most people I know; both friends and family (for different reasons, obviously). I still think that I am taking it relatively hard, though. I am not, however, saying my burdens are the heaviest - not by a long shot! But here I sit, tired and defeated.
I recognised that I had a seriously problem yesterday. The symptoms had been there, however, since the day before that. I've been trying to sort things out myself and I've been better-and-worse for most of the time since then. Spending time talking with people or in their company helps. Unfortunately my cousin is away for the week, so when I'm at the flat I am left alone with my thoughts. The prognosis is unclear, but I think it might clear up as the tomorrow will get under way. The effect has been that I will probably fail the current due assignment: it is not finished and I simply can't bring myself to work on it for more than a few minutes at a time.
I use to watch a lot of Dr. Phil. I don't do that any more, but drawing on the advice he gave people and other bits and pieces of advice and wisdom you pick up throughout the course of your life, you start to feel like you can help yourself. Fix yourself. I know what I would say to someone if they were going through a rough and dark patch in their lives. And I know that it is true. But it still doesn't help much. You can't fix yourself alone. I think I'm going to start the process of getting some help. For me it is, however, not a simple matter of seeking out a shrink: there are people whom I have to consult about this first. I don't know what is going to happen down the road or how far I am going to get in this resolve, but continuing on like this is no life. I want my life back. After 16 years of conformation, I think I need a change.
Here we are. The year is fleeting past, but it is not halfway yet. I still believe the year can turn around 180º. I am starting to wonder, however, whether this year could still actually be better than the last. For that to happen, something amazing has to happen in the course of the next seven months. But I am not going to spend my time wondering about that. I am here right now: the future only stretches as far as the next assignment hand-in and past... the past is a ghost. You don't know when it will pass through you, leave you with chills or haunt you. No, the past is not a ghost: the past can provide comfort, pleasant memories and security as well. But there is a reason I chose the ghost analogy.
1 This is not a medical term and does not have a strict, formal definition. The severity of what I experienced may be different from what you might assume.
I recognised that I had a seriously problem yesterday. The symptoms had been there, however, since the day before that. I've been trying to sort things out myself and I've been better-and-worse for most of the time since then. Spending time talking with people or in their company helps. Unfortunately my cousin is away for the week, so when I'm at the flat I am left alone with my thoughts. The prognosis is unclear, but I think it might clear up as the tomorrow will get under way. The effect has been that I will probably fail the current due assignment: it is not finished and I simply can't bring myself to work on it for more than a few minutes at a time.
I use to watch a lot of Dr. Phil. I don't do that any more, but drawing on the advice he gave people and other bits and pieces of advice and wisdom you pick up throughout the course of your life, you start to feel like you can help yourself. Fix yourself. I know what I would say to someone if they were going through a rough and dark patch in their lives. And I know that it is true. But it still doesn't help much. You can't fix yourself alone. I think I'm going to start the process of getting some help. For me it is, however, not a simple matter of seeking out a shrink: there are people whom I have to consult about this first. I don't know what is going to happen down the road or how far I am going to get in this resolve, but continuing on like this is no life. I want my life back. After 16 years of conformation, I think I need a change.
Here we are. The year is fleeting past, but it is not halfway yet. I still believe the year can turn around 180º. I am starting to wonder, however, whether this year could still actually be better than the last. For that to happen, something amazing has to happen in the course of the next seven months. But I am not going to spend my time wondering about that. I am here right now: the future only stretches as far as the next assignment hand-in and past... the past is a ghost. You don't know when it will pass through you, leave you with chills or haunt you. No, the past is not a ghost: the past can provide comfort, pleasant memories and security as well. But there is a reason I chose the ghost analogy.
1 This is not a medical term and does not have a strict, formal definition. The severity of what I experienced may be different from what you might assume.
posted by phantom-99w at 04:59
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home