Rock Meet Hard Place
Contrary to what some people might believe, I like to on time for appointments and to maximise the time I spend on whatever has my attention at the moment. This means that I tend to get irritated when people are spurring me on to “get ready” half an hour before we have to leave if it will take me only ten minutes to get ready. I'll acknowledge that sometimes I am aloof (or simply lazy) and then I end up being late. But I fundamentally believe that if people work hard and appropriately, then there is little need for long stretches of preparation.
I am currently facing an irksome problem. For the first time in my life, I have to make a major decision about my life all on my own. The truth is that, up till now, I have been merely “riding the wave”. As my cousin once summed the situation up rather accurately: in our family, it is not a question of whether you are going to university or not, but what you are going to study there. Some people think such expectations should not exist automatically. But, I have been very fortunate in the sense that I always wanted a tertiary education (needless to say that prior education was not considered optional). When I stood on the edge of the nest after highschool, I had an intuitive sense of the direction I wanted to go in to. When the kick came, I haphazardly fluttered into the nearest and safest haven. The instiution and course where I ended up in is not necessarily the best, but, four years down the line, I have little regrets and am thankful to my teachers and peers for the experiences of this time.
Now, for the first time, I have to choose a direction which is not intuitive or otherwise clearly marked. I have to sink or swim. I have to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea. The problem is: I don't know which one is which.
The question is a simple one: continue with my studies and do my Masters in Computer Science, or leave academia and venture into the real world. Each one has considerable ups and downs. Further study is a “safe” option: I am the first to acknowledge that it is simply a mechanism whereby real decision making is put on hold. It is safe, but is going to cost a lot of time and money. When I emerge, on the other side, I shall have a much steeper debt to pay off, but over a longer period. If I enter the workforce, the clock immediately starts ticking, for I have a limited window wherein to repay my study loan. I shall also, in a very short time, have to acquire a staggering amount of technical and life skills. That option is further complicated by having to decide on staying here (in the Cape) or going to work abroad.
And I have to make this decision now. Requests for certain bursaries are already no longer accepted and companies want prospecting employees to apply for jobs now. Now! How can anyone expect me to make such decisions now?? The second semester has only just started and I am knee deep *cough* in my year project! This is a bad time to be asking me to make this decision.
Of course, this is also not something anyone else can help me with. Those who have ventured to comment on my future have given conflicting views: I should study as much as I can (MSc AND PhD) and so increase my worth (which makes me sound like a prize sheep). I should also leave academia and enter the job market as soon as possible, because the need for expertise exists now. Even within my own family I get mixed signals.
On the one hand I doubt my own abilities to survive in the real world. I also worry about not meeting expectations, whether they be my own or other people's. On the other hand, I have always said that I would like to do my masters. But, I can't keep on studying and hiding behind the books forever.
And at the root of it all is my great fear again: being alone and making these decisions on my own. Who knows how this decision will impact seemingly unrelated areas of my life? I am a poor gambler; firstly because I tend to always loose my money, but secondly because I don't like significant risks.
The main characteristic of early adulthood is, contrary to what one expects before reaching that point in life, uncertainty. During infancy, childhood and puberty, life is a rich display of fragrances, sounds and colours. Everything is new and must be fearlessly explored. When you enter adulthood, however, you are seemingly hit with blindness. You reach a point where you have to stand still and calm down. Only with thoughtful consideration and training of the other senses do you again build a map of what is going on around you. This map must last you (and your potential partner and offspring) for the rest of your life, for you will never regain the same level of sensory acuity you had before.
I am currently facing an irksome problem. For the first time in my life, I have to make a major decision about my life all on my own. The truth is that, up till now, I have been merely “riding the wave”. As my cousin once summed the situation up rather accurately: in our family, it is not a question of whether you are going to university or not, but what you are going to study there. Some people think such expectations should not exist automatically. But, I have been very fortunate in the sense that I always wanted a tertiary education (needless to say that prior education was not considered optional). When I stood on the edge of the nest after highschool, I had an intuitive sense of the direction I wanted to go in to. When the kick came, I haphazardly fluttered into the nearest and safest haven. The instiution and course where I ended up in is not necessarily the best, but, four years down the line, I have little regrets and am thankful to my teachers and peers for the experiences of this time.
Now, for the first time, I have to choose a direction which is not intuitive or otherwise clearly marked. I have to sink or swim. I have to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea. The problem is: I don't know which one is which.
The question is a simple one: continue with my studies and do my Masters in Computer Science, or leave academia and venture into the real world. Each one has considerable ups and downs. Further study is a “safe” option: I am the first to acknowledge that it is simply a mechanism whereby real decision making is put on hold. It is safe, but is going to cost a lot of time and money. When I emerge, on the other side, I shall have a much steeper debt to pay off, but over a longer period. If I enter the workforce, the clock immediately starts ticking, for I have a limited window wherein to repay my study loan. I shall also, in a very short time, have to acquire a staggering amount of technical and life skills. That option is further complicated by having to decide on staying here (in the Cape) or going to work abroad.
And I have to make this decision now. Requests for certain bursaries are already no longer accepted and companies want prospecting employees to apply for jobs now. Now! How can anyone expect me to make such decisions now?? The second semester has only just started and I am knee deep *cough* in my year project! This is a bad time to be asking me to make this decision.
Of course, this is also not something anyone else can help me with. Those who have ventured to comment on my future have given conflicting views: I should study as much as I can (MSc AND PhD) and so increase my worth (which makes me sound like a prize sheep). I should also leave academia and enter the job market as soon as possible, because the need for expertise exists now. Even within my own family I get mixed signals.
On the one hand I doubt my own abilities to survive in the real world. I also worry about not meeting expectations, whether they be my own or other people's. On the other hand, I have always said that I would like to do my masters. But, I can't keep on studying and hiding behind the books forever.
And at the root of it all is my great fear again: being alone and making these decisions on my own. Who knows how this decision will impact seemingly unrelated areas of my life? I am a poor gambler; firstly because I tend to always loose my money, but secondly because I don't like significant risks.
The main characteristic of early adulthood is, contrary to what one expects before reaching that point in life, uncertainty. During infancy, childhood and puberty, life is a rich display of fragrances, sounds and colours. Everything is new and must be fearlessly explored. When you enter adulthood, however, you are seemingly hit with blindness. You reach a point where you have to stand still and calm down. Only with thoughtful consideration and training of the other senses do you again build a map of what is going on around you. This map must last you (and your potential partner and offspring) for the rest of your life, for you will never regain the same level of sensory acuity you had before.
posted by phantom-99w at 02:08
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