My Breakup

Tonight Michelle and I broke up.

I would be lying if I said I hadn't seen it coming for something, but it still was a heart-wrenching thing to go through. While we promised each other before that we would not take bitterness and recentness away from a breakup, it still isn't something you can just take in your stride and continue as normal. I do hope, however, that, soon enough, we shall be able to be comfortable with each other enough again to be good friends. I owe much to her and I shall never forget her, so I am not about to give up on everything.

Right now, however... I have many songs in my playlist to listen to.

My Project

I've been working too hard the past couple of weeks. I'm stressed – I don't think I have ever been stressed in February. The work is interesting and sometimes fun, but its simply too much. But, heading into week three, it seems as if I'm still keeping everything reasonably together. Things are just going to keep getting more hectic for a while longer, but I just have to get into the groove of things. In the meantime, though, idle relaxation and social activity are going to be heavily impacted. But that is simply the price you have to pay for living the glamorous life of a computer scientist!

An important part of doing your honours is your year project. The exact shape and extent of this project varies from department to department, but at the Computer Science department at Stellenbosch, its a rather big project involving programming, theoretical research and a gruelling presentation of all the fruits of your labour at the end. The also prefer something “new” or reasonably “wow”, even at honours level, so I think the bar is set fairly high. I've been thinking of the project since even before the holidays started, but it was only today that a choice was made. It came down the a good friend of mine and me being interested in the exact same two topics. It was difficult to choose (for several reasons) and we stopped right before actually flipping a coin (I was already generating random number ons my laptop), but in the end we managed to each select just one. I wish him all the luck with his project and that he will not only be successful, but also enjoy the process thoroughly.

I ended up choosing a project that involves implementing Thompson's algorithm for matching regular expressions (which is much faster than the conventionally used algorithms). The project scope, however, has to be larger than that, but it is still unclear what lies beyond it. That is the con of this choice: the project hasn't been fully defined yet. It also involves much more theoretical research than the alternate choice, but I'm just going to have to buckle up. This may not be an overly “wow” project, but I think that it can be fun. But that all lies in the future still: I don't know how soon I'll actually be able to start working on it.

Pillage!

After her condition has deteriorated significantly over the past few weeks, my grandmother has been moved into a nursing home in Langebaan. A few weeks back she was in the hospital and has now been removed from her home: I think these two trauma's, coupled, are responsible for the extend of her deterioration. Her memory has regressed tremendously, virtually taking her back to her childhood. Still, some days are better than others and we'll have to see whether, once she has gotten use to her new surroundings, she will show a slight improvement. But, needless to say, this is very hard on the whole family.

Yesterday my folks left to go help clean out my grandmother's house. Her pension alone isn't enough to pay for the nursing home, so it is necessary to rent out her house. This cleaning out is, however, her final and complete eviction from the home where she vowed she would live until she died (its also where my grandfather died). What she can't keep at the nursing home is to be either being divided between the children or sold. When I first heard of this, the word “pillage” immediately came to mind. But, of course, the booty of sentimental objects and useful utensils and knick-knacks can't conceivable compensate for the heart-wrenching sight of watching your mother or grandmother's mind whither away from her. This is the biggest of the stresses my mother is going through at the moment. This whole situation has both strengthened and weakened the relationships between some of the children (and sometimes their spouses). It is a terrible thing that has come across our paths, but what can you do?

I myself will benefit from this pillaging. I'll get mostly cutlery and glasses (what I asked for), but also reminders and memories from my grandfather and, by extension, my grandparents in happier days when “everything would just be alright”. After all the throwing away and handouts my grandmother has already done, there wasn't much left in the house anyway. But there are still a few objects of great sentimental value left. I'm actually a real softie, so it isn't hard to find something for me to be sentimental about. I believe it is important, because I must never forget those happier, innocent days... before I grew up.

MTBS Revisited

The week has been ok, but the past 24 hours were tough. The week had mostly been introductions and admin. Because of that, I only received assignments for half of my classes and if I put two and two together, then this is going to be a trying semester. But, I haven't lost hope yet and I'll have a clearer picture of how things are going to be in two or three week's time. I've already missed out on my first choice for a year project, but I still have several options in front of me. I might get something similar to my first choice (I am, however, not going to get my hopes up). There are also two other projects that have caught my attention, but, just my luck, neither of them are fully defined. In the one I have to think of my own contribution to a larger project and in the other the specified work itself is unlikely to be sufficient to pass: I'm going to have to add my “own flavour”. So, essentially, I'm back where I was when I was trying to think of my own project during December. I'll toy around with a few ideas and read some of the literature I've been referred to, but I'll wait it out this week still and see what happens. After that, I'm going to start to get anxious.

I have Fridays off. I would have had been completely free on Fridays had I not signed up to demi for Computer Science 2. I was angry at myself for not doing the obvious thing and checking when the tuts are scheduled, but afterwards I thought it would be good to have an incentive to not have every weekend become a long weekend. Besides, I need the money. But, anyway, I have Friday mornings off and I decided to go to Bellville to watch the opening of the MTBS. MTBS is an inter-schools sporting (athletics) event that can compete with any intervarsity in South Africa. The name is an acronym with each letter representing a participating school: Malan (D.F. Malan High School, my alma mater), Tygerberg (Tygerberg High School), Bellville (Bellville High School) and Stellenberg (Stellenberg High School). While the main attraction is suppose to be the athletics, the supporting role of the students on the pavilion have become renowned and inspiring. While the medleys and flashes can't compete with what you'll likely find in, say, China, on a local level it is impressive to see the synchronisation and enthusiasm of the students. Apart from the usual cheering and recital of age-old medleys during the day, each school opens the day with a big, themed, medley, complete with flashes. When I was in school, I was on the pavilion for three years and worked on the 'technical' team (the team responsible for creating the flashes and making sure everyone knows what they are suppose to do) for the last two. No matter how corny you think the whole thing is, how hot you get on the pavilion or how many times you doubt yourself: when you see everything come together, you get chills down your spine.

First up was Stellenberg. While I was at school, there were considered the biggest competition. I liked their opening, but it was a bit long and became tedious towards then end. Bellville was also doing alright, but their theme (“Lion”) meant that they included that horrible song Leeuloop in their medley: immediate disqualification as far as I was concerned. Tygerberg was less than impressive, to say the least. Finally it was DF's turn. They really did a good number: they had very good flashes and it seemed like the old spark was back. They did also, however, make the most mistakes of all the schools. So, in the end, it was overall the same old story as I was use to during my years of participation. Later the afternoon, while I was demi-ing, my friend let me know that we had won both the athletics and the cheering trophy! I am sufficiently proud and I hope that the student will continue the year on this high note.

In other news, my car broke down on Thursday. I'm still waiting to hear whats wrong and how long its going to take to fix it. In the mean time, to my great shame, I have to use my dad's car (its an old BMW). I should be thankful, really, but I'm still anxious to get my Jetta back.

Calling the messiah

One of the traditional prayers Jews say during Pesach (Passover) calls for the Mosiach (Messiah) to come to Earth and set the Jewish people free. I start with this statement, because I wish to draw a parallel between the Jewish and Afrikaner peoples. Eventually I want to come to a point which is being widely debated in South Africa at the moment – something that is already old news to many people, but, after still being hounded and dogged by debate, I feel obliged to throw in my two cents' worth.

Especially during the apex of Afrikaner nationalism, Afrikaners to a large degree considered themselves to be God's chosen people. To this effect, quite a few times similarities have been pointed out between the Hebrew and Afrikaner peoples. The Jews, for example, had their great exodus where they escaped enslavement by the Egyptians and many Afrikaners moved away from the Cape Colony (which was by then British) in search of freedom (called The Great Trek). (These parallels are ironic to a large degree, because there have always been traces, sometimes strong, of anti-Semitism among the Afrikaners and in the years leading up to and during the Second World War, several right-wing organisations appeared that bore a striking resemblance to the Nazi party. There aren't very many Jews in South Africa, though.) Another example was the battle of Bloedrivier (Blood River) where a small group of Boers faced total annihilation by a large swarm of Zulu warriors. They prayed to God for deliverance and promised, should they survive, that that day, 16 December, would forever by treated as a sabbath day (Sondag) by them and their children and their children's children (today 16 December is celebrated as “Day of Reconciliation” in South Africa, but the media recently report that there is an increasing number of, especially young Afrikaners, who continue or return to commemorating “Day of the Covenant”, or “Geloftedag”, as has been done since 1838). On that day, less than 500 Boers successfully defended their laager against more than 10000 Zulu's. 3000 Zulu's were killed (the Ncome river turned red from all the blood, hence the name) and only three Boers were wounded. This crushing victory has, since then, reinforced the idea of a “chosen people”. Also, most Afrikaners are Reformed Christians (Calvinistic), which could also have been a contributing factor in various ways.

Since the Groot Trek, much has happened to the Afrikaner nation: they had their own Republics, they lost their freedom to the British, they partially regained it, they established themselves as the ruling minority (protected by Apartheid) and finally democratically lost control of the country to the black majority in the country. The reached several peaks of independence, self-sustainment and innovation, but have also slipped into pessimism, self-pity and apathy. During the years following the dismantling of Apartheid, many stepped aside (or simply fled) and let this new chapter in history take it's course. Affirmative action was inevitable and while people weren't happy about being fired or not hired in favour of a less skilled, non-white person, they understood it was a course that this country was taking and, perhaps, needed to take. Perhaps some people felt guilty, but we all hoped forgiveness would come soon and the promised utopia lay just beyond the bend.

During the past holiday, a few of us went out on my uncle's boat to enjoy a sunny Christmas day before lunch was served. My cousin was at the helm and some music was playing over the newly installed radio in the boat. Our tastes in music isn't particularly close, so I ignored it, but one Afrikaans song caught my attention: it was about Koos de la Rey, a Boer general during Anglo-Boer war. The song was calling De La Rey to come and free the Afrikaner people. I actually haven't heard the song since, but it has grown phenomenally popular. My cousin was wearing a t-shirt that day that looked like the old South African flag (die “oranje-blanje-blou”) and, with this song playing in the background, I started to think about this picture: I'm witnessing a little piece of Afrikaner nationalism revival. It was ironic for me, however, because my cousin was only two years old when we adopted the new flag, so he has never seen it flown in official office (as opposed to me who, at the age of seven, stood proudly and patriotically to attention during assemblies – oblivious to the major changes that were going on and the looming transition). So why was he concerned with all this Afrikaner nationalism? I waved it off as particular brand of small West Coast town influences on an impressionable youth. But, with all this business of the old flag showing up at sporting events (Update on that post: they tracked down the black man who was wearing the old flag over his shoulders. He was completely amazed that it had caused such a stir, but said he did it to show that he holds no grudges and has forgives, accepted and moved on.) has me, and other people, thinking: is there some sort of neo-Afrikanerism brewing? Not necessarily one with the same right-wing ideals as in past, but at least one of unity and strength: people are tired of being discriminated against and ignored. The new generation of Afrikaners is moving into the work place. I am part of that generation and we were either very young during the transition or do not remember it at all. We had not taken part in Apartheid and had no say about it. We grew up in a democracy and were thought equality and respect. While there is still, as far as I am concerned, a clear distinction between how the people of my age and the people three or more years younger than me view/approach the social changes brought about in the New South Africa, we are, for the most part, innocent and want to get on with our lives. We do not wish to pay for the sins of our fathers and do not feel responsibility for Apartheid. I think neo-Afrikanerism is more about the plea of being accepted as Africans, as opposed to more right-wing views, but I might be wrong. I don't know, but each time Bok van Blerk's song plays, people are calling for deliverance form their worries and sorrows.

So, who is this icons, this leader people are calling for? No-one knows. Perhaps they aren't calling for a leader, but just harking back to the days of proud and strong defiance against oppression. I wouldn't be surprised if, much of the time, the song's audience is intoxicated to a degree where they cannot make rational political decisions, but lets consider the sober people looking for a leader that will guide them into this new millennium. There is a problem. My grandfather use to tell me that one of the problems with the Afrikaners is that they do not stick together. Why were there two Boer republics? Some people wanted to stay and do things one way and others wanted to continue and do things another way. Differences of opinion also hampered the Boers during the war, but it is unlikely that they would have won were things different in that respect. I have heard it been told a few times, jokingly, that if one Afrikaner differs in opinion from another, he turns around and establishes his own political party and church so things could be done this way. Traditionally, there has always been a lack of cohesion. I don't know why this is. Maybe it is normal in any and all nations. Maybe it is normal in a nation that is made up of people who ultimately come from different roots.

De la Rey, do not return to these boers. You rest in peace; they seek a leader, but what they must find is the courage to shake off their negativity and apathy. Our guidance can not only come from (our) history, but must also come from (contemporary) innovation. Those that haven't done so must accept the current political situation and adapt to, not only survive, but thrive. We must stop running away and laying the blame on others. But, then again, if one does change all these ways, are they still an Afrikaner then?

Besides, don't we already have our Messiah?

First Day in Review

Wel, my first academic day back at university has passed and much has changed without really improving my situation much. I had a slow start to the day, because our information session for Computer Science was only at 11:00. So I took to have my laptop registered at the IT department and loitered for a bit. Shortly before 11:00, however, I learned that the first part of the first Graph Theory was at 09:00 this morning. Great, I missed my first class. The worst thing was that I still don't know if I want to do it or, at that stage, if I need special permission to take it. It turned out I don't need special permission and I attended the second part of the class at 14:00. It was a nice class, but when we got our first week's assignment, I realised that I was still in holiday mood and suddenly wished that honours involved much more osmosis. Anyway, I haven't taken that work out yet and I don't feel much motivation, because, like I said, I'm still only taking it tentatively. At the moment I'm considering taking it as a seventh (extra) module so I have something to fall back on if I fail something else or wish to lessen the work load for the second semester. But, if one of the CS modules I'm considering doesn't strike a cord with me, I might just drop that for Graph Theory. Decision pending.

The CS introduction bore very few revelations, but I think I've managed to decide on at least three modules to take this semester. I shall be trying them out this week at then re-evaluate my decisions. The newer proposals for year projects are generally more appealing and, if I don't snooze-and-loose, I might end up with something I could get excited about right off the bat.

In the week that I have been back here, I have heard quite a few American accents on campus – it's very odd.

First Week Back In Review

So comes to an end my first week back at Stellenbosch and it has been very relaxed and pleasant (mostly), but more about all that in just a bit.

I'm writing this post under openSUSE 10.2 which I finally managed to get hold of this week. It's been a bumpy introduction, but by the end I'm impressed enough by it to be a convert. It seems to have good hardware support, it has a nice graphical layout and, more importantly, came with just about everything I wanted (with the exception of Webmin, bochs, nasm et al). It is more “hand's on” where configuration scripts are concerned. For example, after I installed Apache, I still had to set it up and tweak the configuration scripts to my needs. The Mandriva team seems to have put more trouble into their scripts, but then, that might just be me.

But, anyway, this all means that I can now do proper work on the new site again. Classes are starting next week, however, so I don't know when I shall start this work again and once again any form schedule or deadline has gone out of the window. All this project needs is a budget, which would inevidably be too small, and then it would be a real programming exercise!

Now on to more important matters. I arrived on Monday evening and spent much of the following three days visiting and catching up with friends, which was really nice. On Wednesday we had our registration which was a tad less painful than usual. I am now registered for my honours in B.Sc. Computer Science. On Monday we shall be having an information session about the modules available and then choose six of them. At the moment I really want to take Graph Theory, which is offered by the Applied Mathematics department (we are allow to take up to two modules from a “relevant/related” department), but I still have some choices to make there and I might need to take a coin with me when I go choose my courses. I also today found out that the Computer Science department will not be offering the artificial intelligence course this year, which leaves me with another vacancy to fill – it might even lead to a nasty dilemma. Another thorny issue is choosing a main project for this year. I was glad to find out today that we probably don't have all the options concerning the available projects at this point in time. I saw a couple of options today that could be interesting (none of the others interest me), but, again, I have to weigh up a few options. I shouldn't take too long, however, because I wouldn't want my choices grabbed out from underneath me. You may also propose your own project, but I spend a long time this holiday racking my brain trying to think of one, but its difficult to propose an honours project, because everything I think of is either too easy or too hard or too impractical/irrelevant.

Last night was “Vensters”, which is an evening of shows up on by the first years of the residencies. It was nice (relatively) and my evening was only spoiled by a ... well, the girl was only trying to do her job, but I am surprised at how what that girl said took me aback. It spoiled the rest of my evening, but that's in the past now. The arrival of the first years was the same as usual and the town was abuzz this week with the little critters running around and people running after them trying to give them tours and information and indoctrination and who knows what else. In a few weeks things will be back to normal. I'll probably miss most of the commotion after classes start, however, because, like for the rest of the year, I'll be cooped up in the Engineering building. We'll, I probably won't, but my classes certainly won't be taking me anywhere else any more.

I'm going home tomorrow: I have to go pick up some things I need and had forgotten there and visit with some friends. I also think my mom has had a though week, so maybe me being there will help a little (due to the nature of the troubles).

Sparrows has found a new flat in the same complex as I am in, so we are going to be almost-neighbours. Funny how things turn out.